I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
