I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
