hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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