I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
