I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
