I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Green mimosas i think yes
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
