Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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