i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
