You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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