I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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