Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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