I think my vagina is haunted
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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