He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
