I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
