He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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