Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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