i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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