one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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