I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
