sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
