It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
