Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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