Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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