so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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