No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
