I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
