I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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