dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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