I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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