It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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