it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
