her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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