You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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