we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
