I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
