lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
