Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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