btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
