He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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