omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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