Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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