can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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