I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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