No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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