how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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