I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
