she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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