So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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