I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
