Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
