sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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