so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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