Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
