did you get engaged???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
