Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
