Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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