Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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