Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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