i'm signing you up for texting rehab
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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