Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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