No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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