There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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