Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
