I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize