these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize