I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
