My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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