i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
